i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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