Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
