I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
