from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Randomize