guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
