Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
