Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
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