I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
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