Tell her she can't have a vagina
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??