Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
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