My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Randomize
