the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
