Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
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