if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize