You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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