Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
