Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize