STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Randomize
