She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
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