6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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