not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
