great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
