You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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