ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
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