I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
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