This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
