'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
