all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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