i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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