I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
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