Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
