I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
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