dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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