This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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