I want leopard sheets
thats the plan
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
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we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
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Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis