thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
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The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
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You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla