yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
