covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
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