They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
