How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
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