You can't special order awesome
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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