that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
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He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
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You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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