this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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