It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
