NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
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