I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Randomize
