The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
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Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize