Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
Randomize
