i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
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we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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