I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Randomize
