I cockslap morals
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
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A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
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Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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