hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
