hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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