The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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