WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I've blown a few things in my day
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
