We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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