Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
