he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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