I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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