i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Randomize
