Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
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