I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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