A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
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