I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Randomize
